Man up - your twenties are a terrible thing to waste....

Just reading an interview with author Kay Hymowitz about her new book  Manning Up: How the Rise of Women Has Turned Men into Boys. She is talking about the emergence of a new developmental stage in our society, the stage of the pre-adult.  I've heard others simply assert that adolescence now extends to somewhere around 25-27.  Whatever you call it, life in one's twenties for the middle class "young adult" is much different in 2011 than it was in 1980.  The children are still playing and the adults are still paying much longer than ever before.  With unfortunate consequences for the individuals and for the society.  The interview concludes with the comment
"You.... have the time and freedom to figure out how to live a meaningful life. Get busy. Your twenties are a terrible thing to waste".

Amen.

Death

Our long awaited parish mission (a Family Faith Festival for all ages!) opened last night with Fr. Stan Fortuna.  After loads of promotion and a weekend of Masses with Fr. Stan, our church was packed.  Just as I was about to introduce Fr. Stan there was a ruckus in the corner near our adoration chapel and voices hollering for a doctor.  One of our most stalwart parishioners had collapsed.  For about 20 minutes, until the EMTs arrived, chest compressions were administered and a few gasping breaths could be heard from our dear brother.  Fr. Stan led the assembly in the rosary and we prayed, prayed, prayed.  Finally the EMTs arrived, executed their processes and seemed to have reestablished a pulse before they took him to the hospital.  Our pastor was away but the deacon followed the family to the hospital.  40 minutes later Deacon texted me that our brother had passed on and to please have the assembly pray for the repose of his soul and for the consolation of his family.  In the aftermath, many remarked that church was a fitting departure scene for this pillar of our parish.  He had been in adoration chapel that morning before Mass, his regular routine and had been taking care of some parish business in the afternoon.  It was a quite typical day for him  and reflected the steady and faithful practice of his life which was so rooted in his faith and at the parish.


This event and the loss of a school parent last week have brought the reality of death to our door.  This morning at Mass, with our 6th,7th and 8th graders present, Fr. Stan preached about a verse from Isaiah which promises the God's word will be fruitful - and the reality of a  love that is stronger than death - a reality which we can encounter through the Love which is revealed in Jesus.  He was powerful and passionate in his preaching and I can only hope that he was heard.  This of course, is the final point of what we are about.  My son remarked this morning that as he prayed last night he shifted his focus from prayer for the victim to prayer for the family - prayer that each of them has an understanding of Christ's presence in this moment in REALITY!

Challenge and change

One method of personal prayer, and a widely taught approach, has the pray-er reflecting on the events of the day looking for light and shadows and sources of joy and sorrow.  As I've tried to incorporate this element in my daily prayer, it has become clear to me that the discomfort or anxiety that I feel about various events or patterns in my life should lead me to pray about the source with an eye to possible changes I need to make or encourage.  Not exactly rocket science but easy to forget.

There's someone in my life that I think is persistently dis-content.  And has cause because of the demands in life that he/she has responded to that have limited their time/energy/money to do anything that they would like to do for fun or fulfillment or even for others goods.  The problem is that it seems to flow from compulsion combined with obligation and without an ability to say "no" except when all resources have been completely drained.  And this all makes them rather cranky, irritable and somewhat distant.  There is a perpetual resignation in the air.  It seems to me that their "generosity" in the end is limiting their LOVE - and they should probably pray about limits.  But I'm not the one to tell them....

Laugh like a maniac

Out there in blogland Betty Duffy has been ruminating on the brevity of parenting small children.  Her desire to keep her kids safe from the dangers "out there" has to resonate with every parent.  Thinking on her post led to some discussion with her in the comments box about what a parent can do to pass on the faith and to keep our children safe.  Sooner or later, we must entrust "our" children to God and let them go.  The question of exactly when we start to let go has to be on a case by case basis...and in the end, we can only do the best we can, pray like crazy and laugh like a maniac.

Thoughts in the dark

The house is almost empty this weekend.  Is it a bad sign that I so welcome the emptiness?

As I woke to a wide open day with few demands but plenty to fill it, I lay in bed probing my emotional state.  Yesterday was not demanding either - quite a change of pace - and I got very little done.  I'm plagued with a vague dissatisfaction and trying to identify its source.  A little prayer, a little thinking - aha - I have it.  I'm not believing my own story, the theme of my own narrative.  My perspectives have shifted - God's still the center - but the consequences of that orientation and some of the decisions I have made because of it are up for evaluation - and I'm uncomfortable.

So, for the first time all week, I prayed first today.  Picked up Anthony Bloom's "Courage to Pray" and did it.  He says some challenging things about coming to prayer with integrity - being authentic and not pretending to be someone else altogether.  He also point out that we often seek a mystical experience - when we should be seeking repentance and conversion.  And that's a risky thing.

So, I talked to God about my "authentic" self.  About how I feel, what I fear, about my need for gratitude and wisdom and perspective.  Life is changing right before my eyes. And things are good, life is full and I am grateful.  But there's this shift in perspective I'm experiencing, an expansion of my horizon that I'm tempted to apply to my past - which is a hazardous thing to do.  When I look back on some of the choices that I, that we have made,  I need His eyes.   JPII so often said "Fear Not" but I think I had some  underlying fears.  When I try to put those fears into words they sound ridiculous - or reasonable.  But the critical issue, whether the fears were ridiculous or reasonable, is my trust in God.  Sara created a lot of problems when she failed to trust God's promise to Abraham.  Haggai's offspring have been at odds with Sara's ever since Sara took things into her own hands to ensure the fulfillment of God's promise to Abraham.  It's a classic problem.  Trusting God takes practice - and courage.  Working on that.

Maternity, then and now

I love having children.  I have loved having children. I am loving children.

 I heard something about the mission of motherhood today - and its call on every woman's life - childbearing or not.  I heard that its in a woman's nature to carry life to the world - not just physical life but spiritual life - and that this is God's gift to woman, and His call.

Tonight I had a little piece to present at the 1st year confirmation program's introductory parent meeting.  Basically, my pitch to parents to nurture their own faith in order to nurture their kids.  "You are the primary educators of your children." That kind of stuff.  At the last minute I thought to bring several great books I've been offering for sale - hadn't thought to sell them at meetings - but I did buy them for parents and others with questions about how to talk about Jesus, the Church, Mass, prayer.  I also suggested joining our Bible Study, coming to a Marriage Workshop, saving a date for a retreat...

Quite a response to my offer of the books.  And I am reminded of how fraught raising teens is, in so many ways.  It's hard to talk to some teens about anything at all.  And if they do ask tough questions, they tend to stymie parents.  My suggestions focus on a delicate balancing act.  As the parent(s), we have a right and responsibility to determine how our household functions - especially as regards expected routines and behaviors.  It is perfectly reasonable - and desirable - to say "We go to church as a family every (barring emergencies) Sunday".  It is not reasonable to respond to a query or challenge about belief with "Because I said so", "Because our family is Catholic" or other shut down answers.  The teen years are important years for asking questions about meaning, identity, choices...

Learning to pray - again

Over and over again, I have to learn to pray.  Sometimes it's about the need for a new approach - a new perspective.  Sometimes its about reestablishing the practice, the discipline.  This morning I returned to  http://www.pray-as-you-go.org/  - I'd forgotten how lovely that resource is - with its absolutely beautiful music from Taize, it's reflection on the readings and its questions for my reflection.  Quite the jumpstart for an encounter with God.  I feel connected, more peaceful, more purposeful.  Thank you Jesuits.  Thank you God.

Prayer is so idiosyncratic, so particular to each of us.  To state the very obvious, each person's experience is as unique as the individual.  When I pray, when I become silent, inside and out, I sense energy and power all around me and empowering me - for love, for patience, for generosity.  It's deep and vibrant and comforting and makes me feel like I can soar.

I want to radiate the love I experience.  I want to connect with everyone - and in prayer - I do.