THE Catholic University of America

So the young prince is officially away at college. The Catholic University of America. Big emphasis on "the" - because it is the only pontifical university in the US. I left him yesterday afternoon after 2+days of orientation - my tears were stuffed until later, big hugs and I walked away. Just. Like.That.
It's over. Well as any parent knows, not really, but it is a big bleeping deal, this drop off at the new school. And I thought kindergarten was hard. Well.

One consolation is the school itself. Or rather the vision the school projects. I was impressed with  the consistent themes across all the presentations - class wide and program specific- over and over I heard "life of faith, cultivation of virtue, respect for the human person, dignity of the person, care for the poor, commitment to serve". And his departmental presentation - business and economics - was inspirational. The chair, Dr.Abela, is Maltese (great accent) and he talked about the desire for success and what that means. And that is much more than just money. By the time he was done I was very pleased that Brian would be in their department - which as of next year will be its own school, splitting with the college of arts and sciences.

There seems to be a lot of attention to the individual and I have little concern that my boy will get lost - too many people are engaged in making sure he doesn't. But I suspect he's not too sure he wants to be so far from home, his family and friends. We'll see if this distance is tolerable for him.  At least he has his brother who is a senior here.

We'll be okay. Eventually.

Gifted

The youngest child of a rather large family can sometimes end up as the last child standing.  By that I mean, all the older children have grown up and moved out and the last two or three years of high school, he ends up as effectively an only child.  I've seen it happen with several friends of ours and generally, the kid doesn't like being an only child after a lifetime of noise and rowdiness surrounded by siblings.

When our youngest became aware of this likelihood, he didn't like it at all and we knew it would be hard when it happended. Especially because it would probably be at the beginning of his sophomore year in high school - leaving him an "only" for three full years before college. Except right around the time his brother headed out, his oldest brother got very sick and came home.  Then the second oldest moved home to grad school. And then his sister graduated from college and she came home for a year before grad school.  So, over the past 3 years (he's a senior now) he has always had at least 1 sibling, often 2 - 3.  And life around here has been dynamic and interesting and fun for him. Sometimes he would choose to stay home on a weekend night, just to hang out with his brothers or his sister.

Our oldest son is now mostly recovered and getting back to work.  Once he has steady income, he'll be moving out.  He remarked on this whole "only" child threat yesterday, and said something about his illness being God's plan so that the youngest wouldn't have to go through that.  And I said I'm not sure I believe God makes you sick.  And his response:  "Everything is gift, I believe everything is gift."  And that's true.

Celebrate

This past Saturday we hosted a dinner at home, a Lord's Day Celebration (kinda like a Jewish Sabbath) in honor of our son, Prince 85 and his bride the Princess K.  About 40 friends were present as we prayed and sang and rejoiced in the many ways that God has loved us.  It was an evening I don't want to forget, full of smiles and hugs and laughter, good conversation and some re-connecting. 

Nephew Jake, Goof Ball, Semper Fi

Jake, you used to be a goof ball.  Then you grew up and became a Marine.  You look so strong and dignified in your dress uniform.  And I am convinced that you are an excellent Marine. But I suspect you are still a goof ball.  You just hide it well.

In this moment, as you prepare to go, I see images of you as a toddler playing with Paul, as a goofy kid with braces, as a sober/hilarious teen and as a focused emerging adult at college.  And of you in your dress uniform – so straight and strong and determined.  It’s a far distance that you will travel, not just in miles but in experience and I expect that the intensity of both the brotherhood and the challenges you deal with in the coming year will be with you forever. In the midst of it – in the moments of boredom and tedium as well as the times of danger and loss I pray that you will cling to Jesus (he too has been to hell and back). If you do, He will bring healing to your soul in every way and in every need. 

You are still a goof ball.

Love you,

Aunt Katie

Any time the soul chooses to isolate rather than to embrace, it is the ego

Betty Duffy included this reference, uncited, in a post this week  and it struck me hard.  How may times have I willed to remove myself from a situation that was not to my liking - at church , in my community or family - thinking that I'd just about had it with this "whatever" - and how many times was  it a manifestation of exactly this dynamic?  Something to think about.

Sustained or Guilty

I'll call her Betty, a woman I've been talking with at church over the past year.  She brought her daughter for First Communion and decided it was time for her to get things in order in her own life and become confirmed.  So she came through my class.  She's a cheerful but wounded soul with many regrets about past choices that have landed her in a very difficult place.  She's working her tail off, has two jobs, trying to figure her life out and how to meet her responsibilities - and meanwhile she's carrying around a heap of guilt and anxiety.  One thing that's very clear is that she knows she needs God in her life, she wants God in her life and she's really trying to do the right thing.  Over the summer we talked about her desire to join the Bible Study class that would begin in September.  But we're three weeks in and she hasn't made it.  I included her in a mass email about something else and received a guilt ridden apology for "failing God again" regarding not making it to the study.  So that's one story.  Hold on to it.

Second story: I was speaking with someone about a family member, married outside the church for many years.  He wants to get his marriage blessed and return to the sacraments.  Meanwhile, he doesn't go to church and tells his mom that he knows he "should" go anyway but without being able to fully participate he's not very motivated - but he feels guilty.

What do these two stories have in common?  This idea that somehow when we don't do what we "know we should" that we're failing God, that we're being bad.  That notion so falls short of the reality it makes me crazy just thinking about it.  What is it about us, we humans, that we think that we can "fail God"? What's really happening is that we are MISSING OUT!

Does a child have to be threatened that if they don't show up for Christmas they'll be in trouble?  No. Not ever.  Why is that?  Because the child is very clear that Christmas is just about the best day ever in the year and there's no way a kid would want to miss it.  Similarly, when Betty doesn't make it to Mass or to Bible Study, what she should recognize is that she didn't receive the gift she might have if she had made it.  So, it is a loss - to her! By extension, perhaps we could say it is a loss for God as well, because he wants every good thing for us.  But we're not failing God, we're failing ourselves.  We all (as a church, as individuals) need to  hold up the reality that when we show up for God we're coming to RECEIVE, to be sustained and fed and nourished and gifted (!) not to MEASURE UP to God's expectations or standards.  There are a lot of things we do that we should feel a little (or a lot) of guilt for.  And if we're lazy or self indulgent and we fail ourselves and others we should indeed feel guilt - guilt is an emotion intended to call us to change.  But if we're sick and exhausted and strung out - or stuck in the aftermath of a bad choice and trying to work it out - well, wallowing in guilt is not the best course.  There's good guilt that calls us to change our course, our behavior.  And then there's bad guilt - the kind that paralyzes us and makes us feel rotten - but doesn't motivate us to change.

And another thing....about freedom.

When a moral choice is discussed, either in reference to the choice of a friend or one's own, it is helpful to keep in mind that the choice is in fact that of the individual, not of the parents or the society.  And that the choice is best judged in light of the relationship one has with God, in reference to our nature, our dignity.  Choices are best understood as a positive conforming to the human dignity we have been given rather than a conforming to societal (church or otherwise) norms.  This kind of choice is powerful and resonates internally rather than becoming a reluctant or resentful limiting according to the expectations of others.